The Impact of Past Failures - In the Shadow of Childhood Reading Failures
"Why Do I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough?"
When we met, Timi was a 45-year-old mother of two, working in a mid-management position at a multinational company. Her colleagues knew her as a confident, precise, and resourceful boss. She was well-liked. And while on the surface she could convince the outside world that her life was balanced and happy, the reality was quite different. Internally, she was plagued by constant doubts. No matter what task she was working on, she often felt that she wasn't performing well enough, and that sooner or later people would discover she had just been "lucky," or that she "wasn't really as competent as the others."
As a result, Timi frequently gave up opportunities throughout her life—whether it was a chance for a leadership promotion, public speaking engagements, or participation in professional conferences. Why? Because deep down she was haunted by recurring thoughts like:
"What if I embarrass myself? What will others think if I make a mistake? What if I can't express myself well enough?"
As the first step in our work together, Timi completed my questionnaire. According to her, while answering the questions, her perceived or actual negative thoughts and misconceptions about herself began to take clearer shape. During our discussion of her answers, she expressed that these self-sabotaging thoughts had become such an integral part of her everyday life—so natural to her—that they had silently taken control. Yet she couldn't provide a rational explanation for their presence.
In the following weeks, as we explored the roots of these patterns through yoga and neuroscience-based coaching, there was a moment when she suddenly fell silent mid-sentence. I didn't ask anything—I just waited—because her gaze made it clear that something deeply important had just occurred to her.
It was a moment of realization.
A realization that only she could articulate for herself:
The deep-seated insecurity that had overshadowed her adult life could be traced all the way back to her childhood struggles with reading.
Childhood Failures: The Trauma of Reading Difficulties
I learned that Timi struggled with learning difficulties as early as first grade. Reading didn't come as easily to her as it did to the other children, and the teacher often corrected her loudly when she mixed up letters or couldn't understand what she was reading. One particular memory left a deep mark on her: in third grade, she had to read a longer text aloud in front of the class. When she stumbled several times, her classmates started to laugh, and the teacher impatiently sighed, saying, "Timi, why aren't you paying more attention?!" This sentence caused such a sense of shame that from then on, whenever possible, she avoided reading or speaking in public. Later, she even shied away from any public performance.
During the following school years, she often found herself confronted with the fact that while other students read fluently and answered questions confidently, she struggled with reading tasks and spent a lot of time trying to understand the texts. Although her performance improved somewhat later on, the failures she experienced at that time left a lasting impression and formed the self-limiting belief that: "I'm not as smart as the others."
A felnőttkori következmények: Szorongás és önbizalomhiány
Timi felnőttként is magával hozta az olvasási nehézségekhez kapcsolódó szégyenérzetet és önbizalomhiányt. Bár a munkájában alapvetően jól teljesített, szorongással töltötte el minden olyan helyzet, ahol spontán meg kellett nyilvánulnia, vagy ahol szakmai szövegeket kellett értelmeznie, majd ezek alapján prezentációt készítenie.
Egy emlékezetes munkahelyi helyzet például az volt, amikor egy vezetői értekezleten váratlanul felkérték, hogy foglalja össze egy hosszabb dokumentum lényegét. Bár előtte már olvasta a szöveget, a szorongása miatt képtelen volt összeszedetten megfogalmazni a gondolatait, és végül csak néhány bizonytalan mondatot sikerült kinyögnie. Ezután hetekig gyötörte magát, és úgy érezte, hogy a főnöke csalódott benne.
Timi belső monológja tele volt önkritikával:
· "Miért nem tudok normálisan megszólalni?"
· "Biztos azt hiszik, hogy alkalmatlan vagyok."
· "Úgysem leszek elég jó soha."
Ez a belső bizonytalanság oda vezetett, hogy egy idő után elkezdett visszavonulni, és már nem vállalta a kihívást jelentő feladatokat. Előléptetési lehetőségeket utasított vissza, és elkerülte azokat a helyzeteket, ahol véleményt kellett volna formálnia mások előtt.
The Beginning of Change: Self-Discovery Work and Mapping Past Patterns
During our work together, Timi's first task was to reflect on her past failures and describe how they had influenced her adult behavior. We then began to explore situations where she felt she held back or was reluctant to express her opinions.
When she realized that her childhood reading struggles had shaped a deep-rooted fear within her, we started to work through this fear together. The primary goal was to help her realize that past experiences do not automatically define the course of her present, and that she has the power to change.
Practical Steps: Expanding the Comfort Zone
The change didn't happen overnight; it was gradual, step by step.
As homework, she began to speak up in situations where she felt less threatened. For example, in smaller meetings, she started to briefly contribute to discussions and observed the feelings these situations triggered in her.
As the next step, she started to face her anxiety. She used breathing exercises, neuroscience techniques, and movement routines specifically designed for her to help calm herself, find her focus, and concentrate on the present rather than dwell on past failures. She kept a reflective journal, writing down her feelings and setting new, small but forward-moving goals.
Body Awareness and Confidence Building
In order to overwrite her self-destructive thoughts, I felt it was important for Timi to improve her body awareness as well. After all, the anxieties were not only in her thoughts but also in her body: rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, and stomach cramps accompanied her difficult situations. With the help of yoga and breathing exercises, she learned to release these physical tensions, and she became increasingly confident.
The Result: Rebuilding Confidence
After several months of work, Timi no longer avoided challenges—in fact, she actively sought out situations where she could test herself. Eventually, she enrolled in a corporate presentation training, where she learned how to organize her thoughts clearly and handle her stage fright. She proudly shared that delivering a short presentation at a professional conference felt incredibly liberating for her. This was something that would have been unimaginable for her in the past.
Our work continues to this day, as the root cause of the issue is still the reading difficulty. Once her self-confidence began to grow, the focus of her development shifted to her reading problems, and we explored the underlying causes. We continue to support the development of the skills needed for effective and efficient reading through movement exercises. The therapy also extends to addressing secondary symptoms such as anxiety and inner tension.
Timi has taken the first step: she asked for help, and with that, she embarked on a journey. A journey of self-discovery and self-development. During therapy, I show her the tools, methods, and possibilities, and how to use them. The rest, however, has always been in her hands, and she continues to do the bulk of the work every day.
A Message to Those in Similar Situations
Timi's story shows that self-limiting thoughts and the shadow of past failures can be a heavy burden, but they don't have to be carried for the rest of our lives. We can do something to overwrite them. Self-awareness, body awareness, and gradual comfort zone expansion can help us move beyond past experiences and live more confidently in the present.
You too can actively shape your future so that your past doesn't define it, if you are willing to confront your old conditioning. You can begin your own journey of change and bring out the best version of yourself.
If you face similar struggles to those Timi dealt with, neuroscience-based coaching and movement development can offer effective support to help you build a more confident, liberated version of yourself. 🌱
Because true freedom is nothing more than breaking free from the internal limits that have held us back—and finally giving ourselves the chance to achieve our dreams.